Good Enough

It's getting worse.

Today at work I ate a small piece of passion fruit slice.

I shouldn't have - So much calories, I let my cravings get to me, I have been so good at not eating any carbs or sugar. For the first time the thought of making myself throw up entered my mind. Slightly disgusted at myself I just convinced myself I'd run extra far tonight, and do more crunches and press ups - so I did.

It's become a obsession that I cant stop. It's always on my mind. "What am I not going to eat today" I go through phases of fasting, then I revert to super healthy vegetarian, depending on what I read on the Internet. Currently I'm eating small amount of weight watchers cereal for breakfast (apparently skipping breakfast makes you fatter so I've recently started breakfast again) small salad or an apple for lunch, just cooked veggies for dinner. I always want to binge, especially at night. But my will power is getting better. I let myself have one bad day to satisfy my cravings, as long as I run it off.

I weigh my self up to 4 times a day - I'm always lightest in the morning.

I want to be skinny for when you come home.

I want you to be impressed with me.

I want to be skinny for when you take me to Bali next year.

I want to look good in a bikini.

I don't know why my eating has become an obsession. A distraction maybe?

I eat normally when your home. But your never home for long so maybe that's why I let my diet slip.

I just want to be good enough